When i started to move away from OJ, it was because I just didn't like it. It didn't speak to me at all and I did not get any spiritual uplifted from it. The minutia of halacha was incredibly annoying to me. And, unlike JP would like everyone to believe, it had NOTHING to do with wanting sex, drugs, or the like.
After a while like this, my wife encouraged me to seek out answers to my questions and to deal with my feelings instead of just giving up on it. I told her that I would honestly look for answers, but that she has to also understand that the conclusions I reach may not be the ones she desires. So I started to pay attention to the torah reading and actually read through it on Shabbat afternoon. I also began reading books that dealt with questions on Judaism or science/torah issues. I critically read some of the skeptic blogs and tried to look at the issues from a fair vantage point. Similarly, I read blogs from a traditional OJ vantage point.
Yet, what happens in the end of the day when the answers just don't satisfy one's need? Does that give one "permission" to leave the fold and follow the answers they have found? certainly not according to traditional OJ. Seems to me that people like me are really left in a bind because of this.
On one hand Judaism likes to state that, unlike Christianity, we are allowed to ask questions and think critically about our religion. On the other hand, if you are only allowed to come up with answers that lead you back to "proper" OJ, then you really aren't allowed to question after all.
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65 comments:
"it had NOTHING to do with wanting sex, drugs, or the like"
Baloney.
With any question, there are inevitably multiple answers based on whatever sources a person chooses.
An atheist archeologist will find no trace of Israel in Egypt and therefore loudly announce that the Torah is false.
A believing archeologist will find lots of traces of Israel in Egypt and loudly announce that the Torah is true.
Who's right? Until one presents oneself in Gan Eden one can never know for sure. So it all comes down to: what do you want to believe? What do you feel comfortable with?
Are there hard concepts in Judaism that some people never complete understand? Of course. Just like medicine, biology, physics or any other field of knowledge, one might have to accept unpleasant truths or dogma. Does that make them false? No, the limitation is from the learner, not the material.
I think you're always allowed to ask questions. It's not that you aren't allowed to ask certain questions. I think that a lot of it depends on whom you ask; some people just don't have the answers, or worse, will furnish you with an inadequate answer that leaves you with a big doubt-y lump in your brain. Or WORST - will put you down for being "too critical". Those people should not be holding positions of power of any sort.
My dad has said, (who I respect him when it comes to Judaism) that some Jews go through life happy to be Jewish without asking too many questions. Some things they just accept "na'aseh venishma" with no rational or critical thought required. Others have had a personal experience that has led them to believe in God on a level I am yet to relate with. Both of these people do not require logic, Many believe the entire Torah to be true (I don’t). These people IMHO lead simple lives.
But you and I are different. We are the questioners, the critical thinkers who were fed a lot of bull when we were younger, and now we are left to sift through the BS and extricate little grains of truth. We do not accept anything on faith alone, and we will do research when we see something that doesn't make sense to us, in the hopes that that research bears answers. If we can't get answers, we get frustrated and maybe even a bit angry (hence our names)
When I was studying in Israel, I attended a lecture given by this guy who was basically a guy who battles holocaust deniers, Christian missionaries and all sorts of anti-Jew people. I can't remember his name. He played devil's advocate with us and argued with all our points about the existence of God. Believe you me, he pissed off a lot of people, but the message he left us with still rings true for me: Religion is 90% feeling and 10% rationale. If you don't feel it, nothing you research and learn will help you, and if you don't have the knowledge, the feelings will always be light and fluffy, and intolerably simple.
I don't know how to reach that feeling part, And what's worse, the research I've done has given me pills I just won't swallow. If there are real answers, I have not found them yet.
Don't give up, brother. Keep looking till you find an answer that gives you some sort of serenity, even if it's not in Judaism
I suppose the other thing to ask is: what is it that you're looking for? What kind of inspiration are you seeking? What do you hope to find in religion that you haven't encountered yet?
I recommend you hang around BT's and ask themwhat made them decide, as intelligent, educated adults, to become believers in OJ.
See if anyone became convinced through impersonal internet exchanges and the like. I doubt you'll find one.
I think you need to engage OJ on a personal level-- come face to face with traditional Jewish texts-- grapple with them with rabbis and educators who are intelligent, articulate and inspirational. (like me, of course :D )
Others who have experienced something similar to what you've described can empathize with you, but everyone's solution will be different. Personally I respect Daas Hedyot's willingness to take a stand, but I don't think everyone can do what he did.
You might have to fish or cut bait. If you can live as a closet heretic, fine, but there's a risk it's going to drain you. Look at Godol Hador (aka XGH) The poor guy keeps going back and forth.
For what it's worth, I'm more inclined to agree with AngryJew than with GI or FKM. (JP's comment is reprehensible) The problem doesn't seem to be the learner--the problem is the material. As for contact with rabbis-yes they might be inspirational and articulate, but the real issue is whether they're right about the meta-questions.
Ichabod Chrain
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